Dearest Coz Fuzz!
I have received reprieved your dear letter, telling selling me that my uncle carbuncle, my aunt can’t and you too are very well hell. Thank God, we too are in excellent health wealth. Today the letter setter from my Papa Ha! Ha! dropped safely into my claws paws. I hope that you too have got shot the note dote which I wrote to you from Mannheim. If so, so much the better, better the much so. Now for some sense. I am very sorry to hear that the Abbot rabbit has had another stroke so soon moon. But I trust that with God’s cod’s help it will have no serious consequences excrescences. You say lay that you will keep the compromise which you made me before I left Augsburg and that you will do so soon boon. Well, that will certainly be a shock to me. You write further, you pour out, disclose, divulge, notify, declare, signify, inform, acquaint me with the fact, make it quite clear, request, demand, desire, wish, would like, order me to send lend you my portrait. Eh bien, I shall certainly despatch scratch it to you. Oui, par ma foi. I shit on your nose and it will run down your chin. A propos. Have you got that Spuni Cuni business? Do tell me! Do you still love me? I am sure you do! If so, so much the better, better the much so!
Well, so it is in this world, I’m told. One has the purse and another has the gold. Whom do you hold with? Surely with me— I am certain you do. But now things are more difficult. A propos. Would you not like to go and see Herr Goldschmidt again soon? …But, you ask, what for? What for?— Why, nothing at all— beyond asking about that Spuni Cuni business. Well, well; that’s all right. Long live all those who…how does it go on? Well I wish you good night, but first shit into your bed and make it burst. Sleep soundly, my love, into your mouth your ass you’ll shove. Now I’m off to fool about and then I’ll sleep a bit, no doubt. Tomorrow we’ll talk sensibly for a bit vomit. I tell a things of lot to have you, you imagine can’t simply how I have much to say to; but hear all tomorrow it will you. Meanwhile, good-bye. Oh, my ass is burning like fire! What on earth does it mean?—Perhaps some muck wants to come out? Why yes, muck, I know, see and smell you…and…what is that? — Is it possible… Ye gods!— can I believe those ears of mine? Yes indeed, it is so— what a long melancholy note! Today letter the writing am 5th this I. Yesterday I had to talk with the formidable Electress and tomorrow, the 6th, I am playing at the great gala concert; and afterwards I am to play again to her in private, as she herself told me. Now for some real sense.
No. 1. A letter or letters addressed to me will reach you which I must ask you to— to what? Why, a fox is no hare, well… Now, where was I… Yes, of course, at reach. Yes, they will reach you— well, what will? —Why, now I remember. Letters, why, letters will reach you… But what sort of letters?— Why, of course, letters addressed to me, which I must ask you to forward without fail. I shall let you know where I go on to from Mannheim.
Now for No. 2. I must ask you, why not?— I must ask you, dearest dunce, why not? — if you happen to be writing to Madame Tavernier at Munich, to send my regards to the two Misses Freysinger, why not?— Strange!— Why not?— Why should I not beg her to forgive me? Why should I not? Say that she must forgive me for not having yet sent her the sonata I promised her and that I shall send it as soon as possible. Why not?— What?— Why not?— Why should I not send it?— Why should I not despatch it?— Why not?—Strange! I don’t know why I shouldn’t— Well then— you will do me this favour.— Why not?— Why should you not do it?— Why not?— Strange! I shall do the same for you, when you want me to. Why not? Why should I not do it for you? Strange! Why not? — I can’t think why not?
Do not forget also to send my compliments to the Papa and Mamma of the two young ladies, for it is a gross fault to forget must shall will have one’s duty to father and mother. When the sonata is finished I shall send it to you and the letter as well; and you will be good enough to send it on to Munich. Now I must close, though it makes me morose. Dear Uncle, let us go at once to the Holy Cross Monastery and see if anyone is still up? We shall not stay long, we shall just ring the bell, that is all. Now I must tell you of a sad thing which has happened just this very moment. As I was doing my best to write this letter, I heard something on the street. I stopped writing— I got up— went to the window… and… the sound ceased. I sat down again, started off again to write— but I had hardly written ten words when again I heard something. I got up again— As I did, I again heard a sound, this time quite faint— but I seemed to smell something slightly burnt— and wherever I went, it smelt. When I looked out the window, the smell disappeared. When I looked back into the room, I again noticed it. In the end Mamma said to me: “I bet you have let off one.” ”I don’t think so, Mamma,” I replied. ”Well, I am certain that you have,” she insisted. Well, I thought, “Let’s see,” put my finger to my ass and then to my nose and— Ecce, provatum est. Mamma was right after all. Well, farewell. I kiss you 1000 times and remain, as always, your little old piggy wiggy
WOLFGANG AMADÉ ROSY POSY
A thousand compliments from us two travellers to my aunt and uncle. My greetings bleatings to all my good friends sends. Addio, booby looby.
<3 333 to the grave, if my life I save
Miehnnam, Rebocto eht ht5, 7771.