ariana reines
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YESTERDAY’S CORNFLOWERS
This post is YES-esque but YES is dead for the sake of other things. I am still getting used to this new THE INTERNET and how I want to and not to emote in it / to it / for this strange black expunging feeling of the stars of the world shining in my eyes when I close them. Here are yesterday’s cornflowers.
This is a photograph of cornflowers and rye from before the time of color photography and from before the Russian Revolution. This is a link to Demolished Thoughts by T Moore which comes from a time that is also inaccessible and eternal and which hurts me with the sweetness and the freshness of everything that dies
and is reborn. When Demolished Thoughts cam out I was falling in very steep love.
I think even the day I closed YES T Moore wrote a comment there, I think it was the day I killed it, I mean it’s not like we’re friends or anything, we hugged once, but anyway I had decided I had to kill YES, I had no choice, because I was falling in love and almost everything I have ever owned had just been incinerated, but that is another story, although maybe it is not, and I was writing MERCURY and so scared to be falling in love, and it meant the world would change entirely and I would be translated, I was determined to surrender to the love transformer, but still I was so scared, and that day of the closing of YES I kept listening to T Moore singing the words MILKY SEMEN LIGHT and ALL HE WANTS IS YOU TO LOVE HIM WITHOUT SHAME and then me and my bb necked in McCarren Park and what t-shirt was he wearing but the CONFUSION IS SEX / KILL YR IDOLS one, that was the day I got a note from T Moore about flowers+cream, a good day to be blessed by a god, any god, even a rock god, I decided to make T Moore into my dad for that day just to pretend I had a family sanctioning love and telling me not to be scared, was it a day or a month, or was it three months, I don’t know, the day I wrote MERCURY, the day I built Rome, I mean the day I demolished it, and anyway I was sure that Demolished Thoughts was a personal gift to us and to all lovers to tell us both not to be scared and let the love make us fall down down down down down into the soft grass and the flowers that shake off like curls the hard light of the sun.
But here is the thing.
I listened and listened and listened to this record right. And it is so suffused with new love, and I kept wondering could it just be because I am suffused with new love, or are Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore monogamous, because the sexuality of Sonic Youth records is a totally different rapture from the rapture on this album, and is it possible that Thurston Moore has projected himself imaginatively into the teenage loves of maybe his daughter Coco or the youths of Northampton Massachusetts, and I kept wondering, could this be really the pre-lapsarian bliss of the hottest thirty-year relationship in the world, and I kept thinking Thurston Moore must have fallen in love with a teenage Mina Loy, or with someone who feels like that to him and he and Kim must have an open relationship or something because there is no way this record is the record of a man who is only using his imagination, it is the record of a man whose imagination has flooded his whole body and world with a love of a different kind.
And now they’ve split. Later I’ll say something about why T Moore is a woman to me and touching perfect bodies with your mind, or how it feels when I try to go inside Kim with my imagination. I don’t know any gossip I only know Demolished Thoughts. And I know that I’m in a confusion about the love I fell in, to which, the confusion I mean, I only surrender.
Heartbreak Hotel. I know what I felt. And who knows if it will last for him. And I’ll write about Kim. But this came from him. I think so.
I think Thurston Moore fell in love.
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